Monday, February 18, 2013

Confessions of an ITwallah - Party Time!!

Today is D-day, the auspicious occasion when it's a Friday and also annual company event. There is an air of excitement on every floor decorated to its core. Chhagan is excited as he is going to get some corporate excellence for cost reduction in project SDLC award (as he has saved on bonus amount to be distributed amongst his team members by ensuring low ratings), Maddy is excited as he can see a lot of chicks draped in hot dresses, made up from head to toe, and not just that but even an average looking girl is going to ensure every inch of her limited beauty is flaunted, Rashmi is excited that she will get to wear her highly expensive and to an extent revealing party outfit which she has reserved to use as her last weapon to seek Sumit's attention. And me, well speaking of me, nothing gets me excited more than the idea of getting FREE drinks, drinks of all expensive foreign brands, drinks that the meager number of peanuts I get at the end of the month do not allow me to buy myself. To my luck, today doesn't have any major task to be delivered, those annoying and probing client calls get cancelled and we sail smoothly to the party venue.

As the DJ starts playing loud and obnoxious music and dance floor is declared open, Maddy gets hyper and he tries to intrude a group of hot girls, just to find himself deserted in a few seconds, Rashmi is full on with makeup and her revealing dress and her eyes fixed on every move of Sumit. Every time she tries to get close to Sumit, she finds him giving her a cold shoulder and turning to that hot chick of our floor who is looking way hotter today.I am constantly looking at the bar and eagerly waiting for it to be open so much so that  I might not have waited for my first salary this much. And, finally the moment arrives, no sooner does the bar tender appears, he looks to me like an angel and I literally attack with several other carnivores like me, but this time I prove to be better than others,

"One large whisky with ice and soda",  I  love being a James Bond while ordering drinks and also love it when that bar tender calls me a 'Sir', it feels like someone's tickling me when I hear it.

I get surprised to see myself joined by Maddy carrying a large glass of Vodka.

"So, Hero, din't get any partner to dance with?" I ask sheepishly
"All these girls are morons, they like half dudes and half nuts and not real men like me..", he replies aggravatingly and for next two minutes or so, I hear some authentic North Indian abuses involving lot of sister and mother words.

It's only my second peg and already it seems as if it's hitting me hard. This doesn't happen with me usually. When I say this to Maddy who's already beyond everything, he suspects that these bloody bar tender has mixed some cheap local brand and that's why we are finding it hard. So, he heads straight to bar and starts abusing the bar tender, he being a wise man, pours some more Vodka and Whisky for us respectively and we gleefully accept it and head to snacks counter to get even with alcoholic effect.

As we are walking, we see some HR guy calling up people and dividing them in groups for making them play some foolishly and forcefully funny game .Such games which are favorites among girls, I strongly believe are management tactics to distract people and save some money on drinks. The only thing we understand that he has divided a group of people in some teams and given them some numbers and has asked people to come up with special characteristics of their team members. We find it hard to understand anything further and anyway I strongly believe that HR is the most inefficient and incompetent department in any organisation, so I decide not even give a damn to it and head to snacks counter.

As I am busy in choosing from snacks plates, someone pats me from behind. I look back and get surprised to see that same HR guy.

"Hey, which team are you from? ", he asks courteously. Ohh, you son of a bitch I think, you are really fake.
"Testing team." I answer innocently.
He smiles lamely, "No, not that one, the team no. 1 and no.2 in our game"
"Ohh, is it? I am sorry bro, I am completely on high, so you better buzz off from me.", I am very blunt when drunk.

"Ohh, ok. " he becomes ultra defensive and backs off.

Maddy can't control his giant laughter at this.

"Bloody chu**** HR guy", I spit out the venom.

A nondescript girl who's overly excited in playing that foolish game approaches Maddy and asks him
"Hi, please tell me one special thing about you."

Maddy observes her carefully, then gives her a look as if he's looking at a house lizard and laughs out and answers
"Madam, I don't like to be bothered while drinking hahahaha"

She gets scared and disappears into crowd.

I am sitting on the couch with my fourth peg and fried chicken thigh. Rashmi comes in and sits next to me. Sad is the only word written all over her face. She's constantly looking at Sumit who's dancing with that hot chick and getting cozy in between. It seems as if Rashmi can start weeping any moment. I wink at Maddy and start singing Ghulaam Ali's ghazal in my unbearable voice. Rashmi ignores for a while, then gets up and disappears into the crowd.

Meanwhile, Maddy is looking for Chhagan as he wants to get even with him for this year's appraisal, but he can't find him anywhere. Looks like, Chhagan is in luck today as last year he had faced brunt of my anger, I don't clearly remember though what all words I had said.

We decide to have dinner. Maddy is the ahead of me in the queue. He picks one white napkin and and tries to wear it over the chest. While he fails to do so, the man behind the tandoor counter says softly

"Sir, that's not a napkin, it's a roomali roti."
"Ohh, is it? no problem."

Maddy keeps it in the plate and continues filling his plate with everything that's laid on every counter. My plate also doesn't look different from Maddy's. We stuff ourselves with all kinds of meat and vegetable curries, various rotis, naans and chapatis, pulavs and biryanis as if we haven't eaten for last six months. Our mothers will be proud today seeing how their respective sons have eaten their plates clean.

We decide to leave now. We go to washroom to empty our bladders. we hear lot of strange noises there.

"Look at these faggots", Maddy points out.

Some guys are puking it out. Just as Maddy says this, and he too vomits it huge.

He then says..

"Don't worry bro, it happens some time due to acidity.And, I am going to drop you home, no worries."

I nod without much resistance. I sit behind him on his heavy bike. The engine roars, and next thing I understand is that I am in front of my home.

"Good Night Chaitanya bhai. See you tomorrow."
I thank him and he sets of with a speed of Jet.

Before going home, I find a local paanwaala's shop, stuff my mouth with aromatic beetle leaves, go home. My mom complains about how late it is. However drunk I am, I make it a point to take full care that my mom doesn't realise it. I say, I am very tired and literally fall into bed and it's all dark. My mom keeps whining about something and the next thing I remember is I am waiting for my bus next morning on the bus stop with a few other losers around...