Sunday, November 4, 2012

Confessions of an ITwallah - Green day at the office

On an ever gloomy and lugubrious Monday morning, with the steps heavier than a Japanese sumo wrestler, I drag myself to my cubicle and recline into the chair. With increasing years of my work experience, these Monday blues are getting more and more horrible. Just as I set my Laptop up and switch it on, Rashmi approaches her desk

"Goooood Morrrninggg..."
She says in an enthusiastic voice.
"Good Morning." I say coldly
She almost screams once again, compelling me to finally look at her.

She is wearing some traditional attire, I don's understand what they call it. She has put on a rather heavy make up making her look uglier than usual. She looks at me expectantly. I smile earnestly and throw her a compliment she is dying to get.

"Looking lovely today."
She blushes and says thanks.

And in a moment, she frowns, looks irritated and once again shouts at me.
"What's this Chaitanya, why are you not wearing anything green and traditional? why this usual formal apparel."

I wince for a brief, then look at my usual carefully ironed clothes, don't find anything wrong, look at her once again carefully, and finally realize that she is clad from head to top in green , lipstick is the only exception. But, I fail to understand the affinity for this particular color.

"Green? Why?", I ask innocently.

"Ohh no, don't you even remember what we discussed on Friday among the team?"

Friday?, I try to stretch my memory. The only thing, I remember about Friday is that I had worked till 11 o' clock in the evening ,testing one issue in live and Rashmi had left early citing the reason of her great grandmother's poor health.

"Sorry, but no.", I sound even more innocent this time.
"Check your inbox, the mail by DHAMAKA group.",

Ahh, DHAMAKA group! Now it seems like I am getting it. This is that usual group in our company which organizes the events like dance, music, Rangoli, cubicle decoration kind of competitions, some meaningless social events, some kind of theme days or traditional day competitions. I haven't told anyone about this but I have a rule in my mailbox which sends all such mails which are of least interest to me into Deleted Items and I clear the folder once in a month.

Out of curiosity, I check my deleted items for 'that' mail. I see some colorful message which announces a celebration of colors of India festival, and as a part of that, the first day was announced Green day with traditional wear and cubicle decoration competition with Green color as the theme. Three best teams would be chosen and there were attractive prizes to be had such as Free meal passes and free breakfast for three days in Office canteen etc. As I despise these kinds of activities, I don't read too much into it and try to somehow push myself to work. I hear Rashmi's blabbering voice complaining about my disinterest and concern that because of me, the team will not fetch that coveted prize.

Just as I finish giving updates to Chhagan (our manager) about Friday's issue and my heroics of working late in the day, I see the hot chic in the opposite cubicle setting herself in. As always, Chhagan doesn't even appreciate me nor says a thank you. I hang up without being bothered and sheepishly stare at her in a constant state of awe. She is wearing a bright green sari. She meticulously flaunts her vital features. The smell of her imported perfume drives my nostrils crazy. She says hi to Rashmi, but doesn't even look at me. After giving compliments to each other they start gossiping about the lady who cleans ladies wash rooms.

After a while, I see Amit , wearing green sherwani and bringing cubicle decoration items. Now, I understand that for this very reason, he had taken 100 Rs. from me on Friday. Amit always takes interests in such girly ventures so much so that I have started doubting that he is Gay.

He comes in asks me
"Man, what's green about you today?"
I silently point at the Green dust bin in the corner. He seems perplexed, and continues with decoration with the help of Rashmi. I see an abundance of Green everywhere on the floor, Green Clothes, Green posters, Green cubicles blah, blah, blah.

In the Lunch, they serve palak paneer in the canteen going with today's theme. Palak is something I truly abhor.Whilst that irritating taste of palak lingers in my mouth, some of Rashmi's friends show up. All of them are dressed in Green and heavily made up. They want to go outside and click a snap together. As Amit is busy in decoration, Rashmi requests me to be a photographer. I look at her friends. Although some of them are actually good looking, I don't see myself wanting to sleep with any one them. I say that I am busy with something important and refuse. Rashmi calls me a 'Grinch' for it and seeks someone else and goes out.

Thankfully, I have a two hours training session and I sneak away. In stead of concentrating on the session, I get distracted by the lady trainer's looks. She's also made up a little more today and looking sexier than usual.

By the time I finish the training, it is almost the time to leave. Today, not being a really busy day in terms of work, I find myself being able to catch 6 o' clock bus. I hear Rashmi speaking to someone in a worried voice about tomorrow's theme being White and she does not have anything white in color to wear. She seems so genuinely worried as if Pakistan has launched nuclear war against India.

I pack all my stuff in my Laptop bag, bring the utmost innocence on my face and ask Rashmi sincerely,
"If you don't mind, may I give you an advice that can solve your problem for tomorrow?"

"Of course Chaitanya, don't be so formal.", She maintains a fake smile.

With all the innocence in the world, I say,
"You can get your hair painted White tomorrow.", and I burst out in a wicked and a sadistic laughter and before Rashmi throws whatever she catches at me, I run away outside leaving her fuming in rage...